I had an interesting conversation with one of the managers from work yesterday. I’ve never completed any projects for this guy – but he once talked me into going into a class full of screaming 10 and 11 year olds (his wife’s class I should add) to talk about turbochargers and engineering etc. He also used to work closely with my husband before he was made redundant.
So anyway his conversation kind of caught me off guard. He obviously went out of his way to talk to me (as he sprinted across the car park…..suitcase in tow). He asked how hubby is doing and if any jobs had come up yet. Then he asked if I was managing and how I felt about my job now – and asked if anyone had spoken to me about it. At that point I think I realised that actually it’s the first time that anyone has asked me how I feel….and it really caught me off guard. I mentioned that I have lost some faith, confidence and trust in the cpmany regarding the way the situation was handled and that much of my job enjoyment had gone….not to mention the fact that I feel incredibly guilty that I’m still working here. Its kind of like survivor guilt that people talk about….obviously in a lesser way. He was sooooooo lovely and said that some of the managers do care and that he really hoped something would come up for hubby soon and that I would have my faith in the company restored. At this point I was nearly blubbing…I always do in those kind of situations.
I am trying so hard to forgive the people in this company that have done wrong by hubby. I won’t go into details here but lets just say I feel that the company made the redundancy selection criteria fit the people they wanted to get rid of. I feel so much pent up anger and frustration over this and I am really struggling. I have been trying so hard to forgive these people but its just not happening. I *need* to forgive these people….it is not my place to judge them…..it is not my place to punish them…that day will come for sure but it shouldn’t concern me. I need to forgive these people as the anger and unforgiveness is eating into my heart and soul. But how? How do I forgive from the heart? At the moment I feel like I’m in denial – like I’m trying to convince myself that I forgive. But then I see these people at work and the anger wells up again. We talked about forgiveness in church last Sunday and it kind of felt like the message was being sent for me – all of the examples and everything fit our situation perfectly!
EDITED TO ADD: I have some good news for a change :)
Unfortunately it doesn’t involve jobs :(
But anyway….hubby had paid out for unemployment insurance before he was made redundant - Well we just found out today that the insurance company will pay out. This will pay for our mortgage and give us some much needed breathing space.
I am so grateful for this – we have prayed hard that God will give us what we need whether it is finances or experience of hardship….we left it all in His hands. Isn’t our God an amazing God?