Dear all, please could you update your bookmarks and re-follow the new version of this blog at http://louisefranksdesigns.com/theblog/. Instructions and a new blog post can be found here.
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Thursday, 4 August 2011
Tuesday, 2 August 2011
Getting to know me
I mentioned recently that I'd like to have you all get to know me better. Now I know that I don't live local to most (if any) of my readers so I figured a good way to do this was for you guys to leave a comment with a question. I'm away on a business trip for a few days but will gladly answer them when I get back.
Ask me anything...life...family...work...travels...hobbies....my thoughts...anything...
Ask me anything...life...family...work...travels...hobbies....my thoughts...anything...
Monday, 1 August 2011
I'm moving soon
Dear all, this is just advanced warning that I will soon be moving this blog to Wordpress. You will need to re-follow the blog (as I'm using a different widget) and change your bookmarks as I will not be setting up a re-direction.
The new site address will be posted soon.
Thanks
The new site address will be posted soon.
Thanks
Happy Yorkshire Day
Did you know that today is Yorkshire day?
The government reorganised England's county boundaries in 1974 and, following this, a number of concerned people set up county groups to lobby for the return of their traditional heritage. One of these groups was the Yorkshire Ridings Society.
It was in one of these groups (in the East Riding village of Market weighton) that led to the idea of having a day to celebrate all things Yorkshire and to promotoe our heritage and history. Hence, Yorkshire day was born. The date chosen for Yorkshire day was 1st August and it has been celebrated anually since 1975 (the year I was born).
The reason that August 1st was chosen was because on 1st August 1759, soldiers from yorkshire picked white roses from bushes near the battlefields at Minden (Germany) as a tribute to their falled comrades. The white rose is still the symbol for Yorkshire and appears on our county flag.
I am what many call an "honourary Yorksirewoman" because I wasn't born in Yorkshire. I was actually born in Lancashire, the county next door, usually referred to as "the opposition" because of the long running Wars of the Roses that occurred in the 1400's. However, next year I will have lived here for as long as I have lived in Lancashire. I wonder if that then makes me a fully-fledged yorkshire woman?
I love living in Yorkshire. When I first moved here in 1993, I was immediately struck by how friendly and open Yorkshire people are. As time has gone on, I have felt proud to belong to this county of friendly, welcoming people, fabulous rolling hills and of course, the inventors of the Yorkshire Pudding!
I may tell you some more useless useful facts about Yorkshire in the future if you're interested, but for now I will leave you with some pictures taken in my "home" county of Yorkshire.
I hope you enjoyed today's history and geography lesson. it was nice to share somehting with you about where I live and why I love my new adopted home so much! :)
The government reorganised England's county boundaries in 1974 and, following this, a number of concerned people set up county groups to lobby for the return of their traditional heritage. One of these groups was the Yorkshire Ridings Society.
It was in one of these groups (in the East Riding village of Market weighton) that led to the idea of having a day to celebrate all things Yorkshire and to promotoe our heritage and history. Hence, Yorkshire day was born. The date chosen for Yorkshire day was 1st August and it has been celebrated anually since 1975 (the year I was born).
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| {Yorkshire's flag} |
I am what many call an "honourary Yorksirewoman" because I wasn't born in Yorkshire. I was actually born in Lancashire, the county next door, usually referred to as "the opposition" because of the long running Wars of the Roses that occurred in the 1400's. However, next year I will have lived here for as long as I have lived in Lancashire. I wonder if that then makes me a fully-fledged yorkshire woman?
I may tell you some more useless useful facts about Yorkshire in the future if you're interested, but for now I will leave you with some pictures taken in my "home" county of Yorkshire.
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| {taken at Scarborough} |
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| {taken at Scarborough} |
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| {one of the many rolling hills} |
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| {taken at Filey} |
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| {taken at Yorkshire Sculpture Park} |
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| {taken at Wentworth Castle & Gardens} |
Sunday, 31 July 2011
Gosh my posts are getting even more random!
I have always struggled to understand what people are saying. The amount of times I have to ask people to repeat themselves is just phenomenal. Seriously, I have had (or been sent for) so many hearing tests over the years and yet I say the same thing every.single.time. It isn't the VOLUME that is the problem! The volume is fine. It is WHAT people are saying that is the problem. The way I explain it is that if feels like my brain has to translate everything into "Louise-speak" before I can understand it. It's like I know the person is speaking to me in English but it just doesn't make sense! Eventually I catch on. Now I know it sounds funny but this difficulty understanding voices makes it difficult in things like lectures at university, meetings at work and such. In fact I now dread meetings at work, especially when somebody unfamiliar is there (eventually I do learn to "tune in" to people) or when it's a teleconference. I have mentioned this difficulty to loads of people over the years and have always been met with a blank look.
You know that look? The one that suggests I'm barking mad?
And then I stumble over this article on the BBC website and it's like "aha!". The article suggests that many people with dyslexia also struggle to understand spoken voices. In my case I'd even say that I struggle more with spoken voices that reading language. Well why did nobody tell me this earlier - I thought I was nuts...or deaf LOL.
So next time I say "pardon" to you please speak clearly, not louder :)
You know that look? The one that suggests I'm barking mad?
And then I stumble over this article on the BBC website and it's like "aha!". The article suggests that many people with dyslexia also struggle to understand spoken voices. In my case I'd even say that I struggle more with spoken voices that reading language. Well why did nobody tell me this earlier - I thought I was nuts...or deaf LOL.
So next time I say "pardon" to you please speak clearly, not louder :)
Saturday, 30 July 2011
De-stressing my life!
Recently, I have made no secret of the fact that I have felt stressed and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work and deadlines my life. I have deadlines for work, deadlines for domestic stuff, deadlines for my blog designs, deadlines for my digiscrapping kit designs...In fact, I’m pretty sure that if I looked hard enough, I’d find that I had deadlines for deadlines! The trouble with deadlines is that you seem to spend a lot of mental energy remembering them and (in my case) a lot of mental energy stressing over meeting the deadline.
With soaring stress levels, it was clear that some deadlines had to go! So, I reluctantly closed (indefinitely) to all custom blog designs and decided not to do tutorial Tuesday and Freebie Friday any more. I still plan on posting tutorials and freebies, but on days that I decide I’ll post them...whatever day of the week that may be. I already feel liberated!
I’m still wondering what to do with my wonderful creative team at Adorible digital Designs. I have had a strict release schedule for ages and I know my CT members preferred that as it allowed them to plan. However, all it’s doing now is getting me stressed and I’ve realised that the deadlines need to go. I just need to find a way of releasing kits without deadlines. Hmmm..
I can’t tell you how much less stressed I am by reducing the number of deadlines in my life! Unfortunately, I have a stressful week coming up at work as I’m away on a business trip and there’s a lot of my performance being measured on it. No pressure then!
Has anyone else taken any positive steps to reduce the stress in their life? I’d be interested to know what you did. Don’t forget that if Blogger won’t let you comment you can leave an anonymous comment or use the name/url function.
With soaring stress levels, it was clear that some deadlines had to go! So, I reluctantly closed (indefinitely) to all custom blog designs and decided not to do tutorial Tuesday and Freebie Friday any more. I still plan on posting tutorials and freebies, but on days that I decide I’ll post them...whatever day of the week that may be. I already feel liberated!
I’m still wondering what to do with my wonderful creative team at Adorible digital Designs. I have had a strict release schedule for ages and I know my CT members preferred that as it allowed them to plan. However, all it’s doing now is getting me stressed and I’ve realised that the deadlines need to go. I just need to find a way of releasing kits without deadlines. Hmmm..
I can’t tell you how much less stressed I am by reducing the number of deadlines in my life! Unfortunately, I have a stressful week coming up at work as I’m away on a business trip and there’s a lot of my performance being measured on it. No pressure then!
Has anyone else taken any positive steps to reduce the stress in their life? I’d be interested to know what you did. Don’t forget that if Blogger won’t let you comment you can leave an anonymous comment or use the name/url function.
Friday, 29 July 2011
More random musings
Well yesterday was the funeral and it was pretty much as you’d expect I suppose. My sister in law raised an interesting point that funerals are strange things really. Think about it...the person dies...you grieve...and then in the following days the grief gets a little more bearable...then like 10-14 days later you have the funeral and by that point you’re pretty much doing your best to move on and managing reasonably ok...then you have the funeral and it’s like...WHAM!!! Suddenly you’re back at the beginning, taken back to the most grief stricken point and having to start the grieving process again.
When you put it that way it does seem almost barbaric to put yourself through that. But yet I don’t know of a suitable alternative other than trying to get the funeral as closed to the memorial service as possible...which over here is pretty much 10-14 days. I rest my case.
For me the most difficult thing about FIL’s death is that he wasn’t a Christian (in fact he probably bordered more on being an atheist) so I find that hard to resolve. I prayed right up to the very end that in his final moments of lucidity he found God. Very few people in Andy’s family (and my own) are Christian and it does make dealing with death so much more difficult. I mean if the person who died was a Christian at least I could get some comfort from the fact that the person was in heaven.
Onto other things, I am off to the Isle of White on a business trip for 3 days next week so will be out of action most of next week. I already have a backlog of emails to respond to, but I’m simply refusing to stress about it :)
When you put it that way it does seem almost barbaric to put yourself through that. But yet I don’t know of a suitable alternative other than trying to get the funeral as closed to the memorial service as possible...which over here is pretty much 10-14 days. I rest my case.
For me the most difficult thing about FIL’s death is that he wasn’t a Christian (in fact he probably bordered more on being an atheist) so I find that hard to resolve. I prayed right up to the very end that in his final moments of lucidity he found God. Very few people in Andy’s family (and my own) are Christian and it does make dealing with death so much more difficult. I mean if the person who died was a Christian at least I could get some comfort from the fact that the person was in heaven.
Onto other things, I am off to the Isle of White on a business trip for 3 days next week so will be out of action most of next week. I already have a backlog of emails to respond to, but I’m simply refusing to stress about it :)
Monday, 25 July 2011
The age of innocence gone forever?
One of the things I liked when I went to Norway recently was the way that it had an old fashioned charm about it. The people were the most open and friendly people I have ever met in my life, people threw litter in the bin, people seemed more polite and caring and everything just seemed so...innocent. In many villages we were told that people don't need to lock their doors at night!
And now this maniac Anders Breivik has gone on a killing spree...is this the end of innocence in Norway? Has he spoilt it for everyone? How many generations of parents will feel vulnerable sending their children to summer camp now? I think the consequences of this will be far reaching and to be felt for a very long time. It's so sad. My heart goes out to everyone who lost somebody, or was injured or had to witness it. May you and your loved ones find peace once again in your beautiful country.
And now this maniac Anders Breivik has gone on a killing spree...is this the end of innocence in Norway? Has he spoilt it for everyone? How many generations of parents will feel vulnerable sending their children to summer camp now? I think the consequences of this will be far reaching and to be felt for a very long time. It's so sad. My heart goes out to everyone who lost somebody, or was injured or had to witness it. May you and your loved ones find peace once again in your beautiful country.
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| Norway - a country of beautiful scenery and warm, welcoming people...except Anders Breivik of course |
Positive post
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I've been finding it really hard to stay positive recently. I was already suffering a lack of energy before becoming completely exhausted making 130 mile trips to the hospital every day to see Andy's dad. However, I am determined to find positive things in all experiences, even the bad ones. So here's some things that my recent experiences have taught me.
1. I married into a wonderful family - a family who welcomed me with open arms and who treat me like their own daughter
2. Many of you know how I'm bit of a workaholic and how I'm always on the go. I love life and feel like I'm missing out when I don't cram in as much as possible. But this week I have realised that actually doing less will allow me to get MORE out of the things that I do do.
3. I have some wonderful readers at my blog design blog, Adori Graphics. When I recently published that I was stopping custom services for the foreseeable future I expected a bunch of hate mail - but ended up with so many messages of support it was very heart-warming.
4. I actually like peppers - anyone who knows me in real life will laugh at this one because I would almost fake death to avoid eating a pepper. I have discovered that if only lightly cooked I quite like them LOL. And most importantly...
5. I have always had a good relationship with God but with each bad thing that happens I end up being drawn closer to him. As much as I've had a horrible couple of weeks I feel that my relationship with God is stronger than ever because of it.
What good things happened to you this week?
1. I married into a wonderful family - a family who welcomed me with open arms and who treat me like their own daughter
2. Many of you know how I'm bit of a workaholic and how I'm always on the go. I love life and feel like I'm missing out when I don't cram in as much as possible. But this week I have realised that actually doing less will allow me to get MORE out of the things that I do do.
3. I have some wonderful readers at my blog design blog, Adori Graphics. When I recently published that I was stopping custom services for the foreseeable future I expected a bunch of hate mail - but ended up with so many messages of support it was very heart-warming.
4. I actually like peppers - anyone who knows me in real life will laugh at this one because I would almost fake death to avoid eating a pepper. I have discovered that if only lightly cooked I quite like them LOL. And most importantly...
5. I have always had a good relationship with God but with each bad thing that happens I end up being drawn closer to him. As much as I've had a horrible couple of weeks I feel that my relationship with God is stronger than ever because of it.
What good things happened to you this week?
Thursday, 21 July 2011
And now for something completely random
Thanks to all for your kind comments. I have read every one of them and appreciate all of my precious readers.
Today's blog post is kind of random - just a few thoughts and observations, as well as a little news.
My lovely father in law
Shopping
I'm still gathering ideas for my new office/study as I'll be starting my course in a few weeks. I desperately need a bigger desk and somewhere cosy where I can study in peace. I've decided to go with a calming natural theme and have got a good idea what I'll be getting now. You can check out my ideas at Pinterest.
I just love this big desk - plenty of room for my docking station and everything else that usually clutters up my (much smaller) desk.
In the 4 years that we've lived here we haven't decorated a single room and now we're getting desperate. Our hallway is painted eggshell magnolia and is soooooo badly stained it's not funny. I mean who decorates a hallway in eggshell paint? Anyway, I have some original paintings to hang on the wall and just bought this great shoe storage thing today at Ikea. Cute isn't it?
I'll post some pics when we're done - just need to find some lighting now.
New car
Andy picked up a new car last week. It's a Honda Civic and very space-agey. The voice activated stuff is getting a little irritating though as it's basically impossible to remember all of those commands. Thankfully it is Andy's car and so I don't need to learn how to operate it. If you have one I'd be interested to know what you think of it and what kind of problems you've had with it.
Hospital funny
Ok well we didn't have much to laugh at this week but we did get a laugh at this...
£1 coin operated wheelchairs at the Scunthorpe General Hospital. I have seen it all now! Does hospital management think they're running a supermarket? I mean...really?!
Cruise ports
Just a note to let you know that I'll finish posting vacation pics shortly. Next stop was Geirangerfjord I believe!
Tough decisions
I have been making some tough decisions about the future of my blogging and designs. I simply cannot keep up with what I have been doing over the last 18 months so regrettably, something is going to have to go....maybe not permanently, but at least in the short term. I'll post more about this later. In the meantime please be patient with my slower responses to email as I have quite a backlog now due to events of the last couple of weeks plus the vacation. I'm about a month behind right now!
Ok well that WAS kind of random but hey ho....
Today's blog post is kind of random - just a few thoughts and observations, as well as a little news.
My lovely father in law
Rest in peace
Shopping
I'm still gathering ideas for my new office/study as I'll be starting my course in a few weeks. I desperately need a bigger desk and somewhere cosy where I can study in peace. I've decided to go with a calming natural theme and have got a good idea what I'll be getting now. You can check out my ideas at Pinterest.
I just love this big desk - plenty of room for my docking station and everything else that usually clutters up my (much smaller) desk.
In the 4 years that we've lived here we haven't decorated a single room and now we're getting desperate. Our hallway is painted eggshell magnolia and is soooooo badly stained it's not funny. I mean who decorates a hallway in eggshell paint? Anyway, I have some original paintings to hang on the wall and just bought this great shoe storage thing today at Ikea. Cute isn't it?
New car
Andy picked up a new car last week. It's a Honda Civic and very space-agey. The voice activated stuff is getting a little irritating though as it's basically impossible to remember all of those commands. Thankfully it is Andy's car and so I don't need to learn how to operate it. If you have one I'd be interested to know what you think of it and what kind of problems you've had with it.
Ok well we didn't have much to laugh at this week but we did get a laugh at this...
Cruise ports
Just a note to let you know that I'll finish posting vacation pics shortly. Next stop was Geirangerfjord I believe!
Tough decisions
I have been making some tough decisions about the future of my blogging and designs. I simply cannot keep up with what I have been doing over the last 18 months so regrettably, something is going to have to go....maybe not permanently, but at least in the short term. I'll post more about this later. In the meantime please be patient with my slower responses to email as I have quite a backlog now due to events of the last couple of weeks plus the vacation. I'm about a month behind right now!
Ok well that WAS kind of random but hey ho....
Tuesday, 19 July 2011
R.I.P FIL
Just a quick update to let you know that we lost Andy's dad this afternoon. He went very quickly once his heart medication was stopped, with absolutely no awareness of what was going on. I am so grateful that he could die in ICU where there was some (albeit limited) control over when he would die because we live 65 miles away from the hospital and we really wanted to be there when he died. Ernest died at 2.15pm surrounded by those who he loved and who loved him very much.
Thanks to all for your prayers and support :)
Thanks to all for your prayers and support :)
Monday, 18 July 2011
I want to get off
I really want OFF this emotional roller coaster. I have had my fill now.
Some important decisions were made today which indicate that the end is near for my dear FIL. I have been expecting this if I'm completely honest but it makes it no easier. Today my brave MIL made the decision that none of us want to make - to not resuscitate my FIL. Please pray for her as she is distraught at this and says she feels like a murderer. Of course we have all told her it was a brave decision, that FIL would not have wanted to spend the rest of his life in a chair or bed (he was soooo active) and that we would ALL Have done the same thing. But she is tortured by her decision and I just don't know what else to say to comfort her.
Tomorrow morning the doctors will be turning off the ventilator. Not long after my FIL will (most likely, barring a miracle...which I haven't given up on) pass away...blissfully unaware of what's going on. Andy says he knows it is in God's hands and he is prepared for whatever happens next.
If I'm truthful, the longer that FIL has been sedated & ventilated, the more I have been worried that we've done the right thing. Yesterday I began to worry that we'd acted selfishly by pulling my FIL this far.
So tomorrow please pray for peace for all of our family.
PS: I will be taking a short break from blogging while I spend time with the family this week. Please understand that I may not reply to your emails and comments etc straight away.
Some important decisions were made today which indicate that the end is near for my dear FIL. I have been expecting this if I'm completely honest but it makes it no easier. Today my brave MIL made the decision that none of us want to make - to not resuscitate my FIL. Please pray for her as she is distraught at this and says she feels like a murderer. Of course we have all told her it was a brave decision, that FIL would not have wanted to spend the rest of his life in a chair or bed (he was soooo active) and that we would ALL Have done the same thing. But she is tortured by her decision and I just don't know what else to say to comfort her.
Tomorrow morning the doctors will be turning off the ventilator. Not long after my FIL will (most likely, barring a miracle...which I haven't given up on) pass away...blissfully unaware of what's going on. Andy says he knows it is in God's hands and he is prepared for whatever happens next.
If I'm truthful, the longer that FIL has been sedated & ventilated, the more I have been worried that we've done the right thing. Yesterday I began to worry that we'd acted selfishly by pulling my FIL this far.
So tomorrow please pray for peace for all of our family.
PS: I will be taking a short break from blogging while I spend time with the family this week. Please understand that I may not reply to your emails and comments etc straight away.
Saturday, 16 July 2011
The waiting game
Nothing major to report regarding the FIL situation really. He's had a few issues but he's no longer deteriorating and it's really a case of waiting...and then of course we see if he wakes up and whether he can control his own airway etc. At this stage they aren't sure if he's having seizures. From what I just saw of them the seizures don't look typical (they're focal, but too regular compared to what I've seen before...and they seem to be in synch with the inspiration trigger on his vent....very weird!). Even the ICU nurse wasn't 100% convinced they were true seizures but he's been started on seizure meds anyway. His liver function is a bit off and his blood pressure a bit low but neither are particularly worrying just yet. They'll try waking him up again tomorrow or Monday and if he can't maintain his own airway and/or he still has no cough reflex then they'll do a tracheostomy on Monday/Tuesday.
Despite him not deteriorating any further, the (possible) seizures and lack of cough reflex are worrying as both imply severe brain damage. Clearly I'm praying that it's temporary and that he has a good recovery. I know it's in God's hands and that whatever happens I trust in him. But I can't tell you how sad I'll be if we lose him or if he has seriously impaired function for the rest of his life. We have all tried so hard to keep him alive...the doctors...the nurses....us (pushing the doctors for treatment etc)...but I wonder is it in FIL's best interests or is it our own selfishness because none of us want to lose this precious man? I just pray that the doctors hear God's guidance. That's all we can do for now.
So now, we continue waiting...
PS: I will continue working on designs in progress, respond to emails and continue blogging by next weekend. Please allow me some time to be with my family right now :)
Despite him not deteriorating any further, the (possible) seizures and lack of cough reflex are worrying as both imply severe brain damage. Clearly I'm praying that it's temporary and that he has a good recovery. I know it's in God's hands and that whatever happens I trust in him. But I can't tell you how sad I'll be if we lose him or if he has seriously impaired function for the rest of his life. We have all tried so hard to keep him alive...the doctors...the nurses....us (pushing the doctors for treatment etc)...but I wonder is it in FIL's best interests or is it our own selfishness because none of us want to lose this precious man? I just pray that the doctors hear God's guidance. That's all we can do for now.
So now, we continue waiting...
PS: I will continue working on designs in progress, respond to emails and continue blogging by next weekend. Please allow me some time to be with my family right now :)
Friday, 15 July 2011
Quick update
Just a quick update for those awaiting news of my FIL (thanks for your concern & emails by the way). He is now sedated and on a ventilator and is going for a repeat brain scan this afternoon. This most likely means a sudden deterioration in his condition but I won't know more until we get to the hospital this evening - presuming we're not called in before then. I think now is the time to make sure that hubby understands what to expect when we get there - I think he's in for a shock. I'm sure I'll be shocked and I know what to expect. Please continue to pray for us. If it isn't God's will that he's healed then I understand that, I just don't want him to suffer and I don't want peace for the family. It feels like I'm living a nightmare myself - and it's not even my own father.
Thursday, 14 July 2011
Now in ICU
I feel far too tired at the moment to even go into the problems we've been having with lack of communication, lack of medical care and the hospital acting against suggested clinical guidelines with respect to my father in law's care. When Andy went to the hospital last night he made it clear that we knew they were breaking guidelines and that we were looking for answers as to why. When Andy came home last night we were all concerned that the ward staff hadn't noticed that his dad had deteriorated and didn't really seem to be doing much. We were all frustrated and angry at the way he was being treated. The original plan was for Andy and I to meet the doctors on Friday afternoon and find out what was going on. Anyway, his dad had other ideas, as we were about to find out.
We got THE phone call at 10am this morning - the one where you're told to dash to the hospital. Not good news this morning as Andy's dad had deteriorated a lot overnight and was now unresponsive. The hospital where he was at were transferring him to a hospital which had better facilities so we were told to go straight to the new hospital.
When we got there he doctor spoke to us as soon as our feet landed on the ward. We explained our issues with the previous hospital and asked him to be honest...good or bad news we just wanted answers. And then we pulled out the "nurse card". Normally I don't use it because I remember how intimidating it used to be when I was looking after doctors and nurses. But what I was really meaning was "don't pull the wool over our eyes or treat us like idiots because I understand every word you're saying".
After that things seemed to happen really quickly, he got the brain scan that he needed (which confirmed a brain infarct - stroke) and the doctors quickly got a plan together. I asked them to add chest physio to his treatment plan (and oh boy did he sound BETTER after it!) and asked them to start him on IV fluids because he's not drunk in well over 24 hours. Sure enough they sorted it out, much to our relief.
He was later transferred to ICU - although I think he was actually looking a little better by that point. However he is still very, very sick and we're not sure which way things are going to go. The general consensus at this point is that he had a stroke and aspirated, giving him aspiration pneumonia and septicaemia. He's got a long way to go and it breaks my heart to see this active, independent man lying so helpless in ICU.
So, tonight I'll be praying for God to continue to guide the doctors towards the right treatment. I have confidence that the doctors are doing everything they can (no thanks to the previous hospital) and so now we wait.
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers x
We got THE phone call at 10am this morning - the one where you're told to dash to the hospital. Not good news this morning as Andy's dad had deteriorated a lot overnight and was now unresponsive. The hospital where he was at were transferring him to a hospital which had better facilities so we were told to go straight to the new hospital.
When we got there he doctor spoke to us as soon as our feet landed on the ward. We explained our issues with the previous hospital and asked him to be honest...good or bad news we just wanted answers. And then we pulled out the "nurse card". Normally I don't use it because I remember how intimidating it used to be when I was looking after doctors and nurses. But what I was really meaning was "don't pull the wool over our eyes or treat us like idiots because I understand every word you're saying".
After that things seemed to happen really quickly, he got the brain scan that he needed (which confirmed a brain infarct - stroke) and the doctors quickly got a plan together. I asked them to add chest physio to his treatment plan (and oh boy did he sound BETTER after it!) and asked them to start him on IV fluids because he's not drunk in well over 24 hours. Sure enough they sorted it out, much to our relief.
He was later transferred to ICU - although I think he was actually looking a little better by that point. However he is still very, very sick and we're not sure which way things are going to go. The general consensus at this point is that he had a stroke and aspirated, giving him aspiration pneumonia and septicaemia. He's got a long way to go and it breaks my heart to see this active, independent man lying so helpless in ICU.
So, tonight I'll be praying for God to continue to guide the doctors towards the right treatment. I have confidence that the doctors are doing everything they can (no thanks to the previous hospital) and so now we wait.
Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and prayers x
Wednesday, 13 July 2011
Trying to keep busy
Sometimes the more you know, the more difficult things are. Being a trained nurse it can be difficult to not take over in family health-emergency related issues. I find it frustrating that all I get are garbled half-correct (and sometimes wildly inaccurate) messages from people. I understand medical speak...it's familiar...and it is descriptive and meaningful and leaves me in no doubt as to a person's condition....however bad that might be. But when all you're getting are messages which suggest that people are ok and then one contradicting it saying that everything is NOT ok...and then you get a message asking who they should complain too.....ugh! It makes me want to drive over there and take over. Yet (frustratingly) I am sat here, very worried, very confused and trying to make sense of euphemisms and other people's confusion. Andy got a rather worrying text message from his brother this afternoon so Andy left straight for the hospital and couldn't pick me up as he didn't want to delay (not knowing if time was of the essence or not). So I'm trying to keep busy and praying to God that he is actually ok (relatively speaking).
And of course how do I support my husband who is (potentially) about to lose his father?
And of course how do I support my husband who is (potentially) about to lose his father?
Tuesday, 12 July 2011
Prayers and thoughts needed
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| From left to right: father in law, me, hubby, mother in law |
The good things
Yesterday I shared a little personal stuff about me and one of the things that I struggle with. I find it difficult to be very open on my blog and difficult to talk about my feelings and whatever is in my heart but I’d really like to change that. I do hope not to disappoint too many of you or offend etc but I need my blog to be a place where I feel I can vent and be honest. If you happen to disagree with what I say, that’s fine, but please don’t post nasty or hurtful comments. That’s my only request :)
Ok here’s another snippet about me.....I’ve always been bit of a pessimist – you know a glass is half empty kind of person. I’m aware that this sometimes drags other people down with me (including me) and so today I’m going to focus on the good things in an effort to be more positive.
5 good things which happened in the last 24 hours
1. the roads were really quiet coming to work. I don’t like heavy traffic so this was a pleasant start to the day.
2. a colleague went above and beyond to help me – that’s always appreciated.
3. I managed to find a parking space at work which wasn’t in a deep puddle or other cruddy area of the car park
4. cuddled on the settee with hubby
5. had a phone call from my sister
I could easy triple that by writing 15 negative things but I will refrain LOL
What good things happened to you today? Share them in a comment :)
(If Blogger won’t let you comment you can comment using the name/url option or even anonymous but remember to leave your name so i can respond if needed).
Ok here’s another snippet about me.....I’ve always been bit of a pessimist – you know a glass is half empty kind of person. I’m aware that this sometimes drags other people down with me (including me) and so today I’m going to focus on the good things in an effort to be more positive.
5 good things which happened in the last 24 hours
1. the roads were really quiet coming to work. I don’t like heavy traffic so this was a pleasant start to the day.
2. a colleague went above and beyond to help me – that’s always appreciated.
3. I managed to find a parking space at work which wasn’t in a deep puddle or other cruddy area of the car park
4. cuddled on the settee with hubby
5. had a phone call from my sister
I could easy triple that by writing 15 negative things but I will refrain LOL
What good things happened to you today? Share them in a comment :)
(If Blogger won’t let you comment you can comment using the name/url option or even anonymous but remember to leave your name so i can respond if needed).
Monday, 11 July 2011
Thanks & about comments
I just wanted to say thank you to those of you who have emailed me to express your understanding and to offer me the chance to talk. The truth is that I find it very difficult to talk about my feelings in public and I find it difficult to offer more than just a glimpse into the real me - but I am trying to change that and I appreciate your support.
Some of you have said you tried to comment but you couldn't get it to work. Unfortunately Blogger comments (all over Blogger - not just mine) are still not working properly for all people. You can however leave a comment by selecting to leave a comment as name/url or even anonymous (just write your profile name or name in the post so I know it's you).
In time I'd like to share more, but out of respect for my family I don't feel that I can share too much information here on the blog, especially in depth details regarding why I have a self esteem issue in the first place. I know that many of you will understand this. Your understanding and patience means a lot to me and in some ways I'm relieved (yet saddened) that some of you do struggle as much as I do.
Some of you have said you tried to comment but you couldn't get it to work. Unfortunately Blogger comments (all over Blogger - not just mine) are still not working properly for all people. You can however leave a comment by selecting to leave a comment as name/url or even anonymous (just write your profile name or name in the post so I know it's you).
In time I'd like to share more, but out of respect for my family I don't feel that I can share too much information here on the blog, especially in depth details regarding why I have a self esteem issue in the first place. I know that many of you will understand this. Your understanding and patience means a lot to me and in some ways I'm relieved (yet saddened) that some of you do struggle as much as I do.
Beating low self esteem
I have spoken to very few of my readers in real life, consequently many of you don't know about the struggle that I've had with poor self esteem over the years. We're not just talking about feeling a bit low in confidence here, but something which is much, much more disabling. So, I bought a book on beating low self esteem. The book covers things like reasons for low self esteem, why we behave as we do (when we have low self esteem) and sets a framework for climbing out of the rut. I've only had a quick flick through so far and have only just started reading it properly. So far I have discovered that:
1. previous situations lead to poor self esteem - it may be one bad situation, multiple bad situations (of any magnitude) or just not enough good situations
2. these situations lead us to make a conclusion about ourselves which is wrong or biased - these conclusions are called "the bottom line"
3. at some point in time those conclusions were understandable and made perfect sense - especially if you were a child and had limited understanding anyway
4. people with low self esteem are always on the lookout for situations which confirm their bottom line or conclusion - this is known in many circles as hypervigilence - or reading too much into things I call it.
5. people with low self esteem often "tune out" to positive things, which makes it even harder to feel positive
6. people with low self esteem often have negative predictions- basically "what if" questions like "what if I do x and y happens". People get annoyed with me about this all the time - my mum often tells me to stop putting barriers in my way.
7. these negative predictions lead to anxiety and to people setting up unhelpful coping mechanisms which are helpful in the short term, but in the long term just lead to more anxiety and reinforce the bottom line.
Some of my bottom lines (biased conclusions about myself) are:
1. I am worthless
2. I am unlovable
3. Nobody will like me no matter what I do
4. It will never be perfect enough
5. I am a bad person
Some coping mechanisms based on these would be:
1. In a group situation, let everyone have their say first because nobody really wants to hear what I say anyway.
2. Don't bother making new friends because once people get to know me they won't like me anyway
3. Don't bother trying because it will never be perfect enough- if I do try, work myself do death getting it perfect
It's easy to see now that when I was a child, these were perfectly logical conclusions based on the feedback that I was getting. But now that I'm older they hold me back. At work I am told that I'm too quiet and don't contribute enough in meetings. I find it difficult to make friends because I'm so scared of rejection. The list just goes on and, for the sake of my sanity, the has to stop!
I can't even put into words how empowering it is to finally understand why I behave as I do and why I have such poor self esteem. I feel like now, more than ever, I can actually do something about it. It isn't just a personality trait, it something that I learned due to past situations, and it's possible that I can set up new ways of thinking and finally find the confidence and self-appreciation and self-loving that I've always dreamed of!
1. previous situations lead to poor self esteem - it may be one bad situation, multiple bad situations (of any magnitude) or just not enough good situations
2. these situations lead us to make a conclusion about ourselves which is wrong or biased - these conclusions are called "the bottom line"
3. at some point in time those conclusions were understandable and made perfect sense - especially if you were a child and had limited understanding anyway
4. people with low self esteem are always on the lookout for situations which confirm their bottom line or conclusion - this is known in many circles as hypervigilence - or reading too much into things I call it.
5. people with low self esteem often "tune out" to positive things, which makes it even harder to feel positive
6. people with low self esteem often have negative predictions- basically "what if" questions like "what if I do x and y happens". People get annoyed with me about this all the time - my mum often tells me to stop putting barriers in my way.
7. these negative predictions lead to anxiety and to people setting up unhelpful coping mechanisms which are helpful in the short term, but in the long term just lead to more anxiety and reinforce the bottom line.
Some of my bottom lines (biased conclusions about myself) are:
1. I am worthless
2. I am unlovable
3. Nobody will like me no matter what I do
4. It will never be perfect enough
5. I am a bad person
Some coping mechanisms based on these would be:
1. In a group situation, let everyone have their say first because nobody really wants to hear what I say anyway.
2. Don't bother making new friends because once people get to know me they won't like me anyway
3. Don't bother trying because it will never be perfect enough- if I do try, work myself do death getting it perfect
It's easy to see now that when I was a child, these were perfectly logical conclusions based on the feedback that I was getting. But now that I'm older they hold me back. At work I am told that I'm too quiet and don't contribute enough in meetings. I find it difficult to make friends because I'm so scared of rejection. The list just goes on and, for the sake of my sanity, the has to stop!
I can't even put into words how empowering it is to finally understand why I behave as I do and why I have such poor self esteem. I feel like now, more than ever, I can actually do something about it. It isn't just a personality trait, it something that I learned due to past situations, and it's possible that I can set up new ways of thinking and finally find the confidence and self-appreciation and self-loving that I've always dreamed of!
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